Think it through

“…and that, my brothers, my sisters, my comrades, that is why we must rise up, take the reigns of our destiny, and lead eachother into the bright new future of freedom and independence!”

The assembled jumble of shopkeepers, street-sweepers, binmen and binwomen, sex workers and pole-dancers erupted into a cacophony of cheers. The approving roar took a full minute to die down…but once it had, a clipped voice could be heard.

“Excuse me… Ladies and gentlemen, this is all very…um…inspiring, I’ll grant you. However, we really must consider the grave consequences. I know, I know, all this…em…liberty, and justice, and…well…equality…it all sounds very nice, I don’t doubt. Nobody is quibbling with that.”

The crowd mumbled its assent.

“Nonetheless, we have to ask some hard questions. It would be remiss of us, would it not?”

Almost nobody present knew what ‘remiss’ meant – not that it really mattered, as a fair few could spot ‘counter-revolutionary bullshit’ when they heard it.

“After all…if we depose of these, criminals, as you call them…”

A low growl emanated from the throng.

“…who will pay for everything? This welfare state you all seem to be in favour of – apologies – we are all in favour of… Surely it only stands with the goodwill of the international bankers and economic leaders? It stands to reason, indeed, that once those lenders and creditors see the faces of our nouveau regime they will be most perturbed.”

A few faces of the prospective nouveau regime began to look a little fearful.

“Obviously, I’m not doubting the earnestness and passion of all who believe in a fairer society…but we must keep our feet on the ground. I mean, what about our children? It is our decisions which they will have to live with, for better or…worse.”

As she emphasised the word ‘worse’, the conservative made sure to wave a finger dismissively in the direction of the previous speaker. Many in the horde were wearing anxious looks and pensive expressions now.

“After all, it is not as if we could actually run our own affairs, for heaven’s sake. The very idea! We need these sensible, level-headed figures to show us the way, to run our industries and to defend our borders. What on earth would we do without such men – for they are almost entirely men – and without their expertise? Surely these individuals, whose wealth and influence is an abundant indication of the validity of their wisdom, are the foundation of our state. I tell you, if we run them out of town, and as a result scare off their international equivalents… Well…”

A strangled scream arose from someone. Tears were on the verge of being shed. One man, who mere moments before had been punching the air and bellowing ‘Omnia Communia Sunt’ as loudly as he could, now began to whimper. She’s right, oh dear God, she’s right.

“We all want was is best for everyone, of course we all do…but we have to take the sound, risk-free course of action…”

Sullen heads nodded in acquiescence.

“So let’s have no more talk of revolution and what-have-you. Things might be bad now, but we’re all in this together, let’s stick together, because it’s better together!”

A muted chorus of ‘Yeah alright’, ‘Spose so’, ‘Makes sense’, ‘Fair enough’ and ‘Hey-ho’ greeted this final rhetorical flourish, and the various downtrodden citizens dispersed in a sombre fashion.

The original speaker, aghast but not exactly surprised by this turn of events, shook his head in bewildered wonder; How on earth did anything in the past get changed for the better?

Solidarity, brothers & sisters…

Posted in Gibberish, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Nonsense. Just nonsense.

Can’t go through the mail like that – the whole shamong would be torn to shreds. Plants in the post… Well, it was the only way I figured that Kate would get it before I died. These flimsy flowers and the dainty little stalks, along with a bunch of other vegetation, were my way of saying goodbye. Hope she appreciates it… Hope it gets to her in one piece, more to the point.

Maybe I could wrap some string around it first? Sorta bundle it up before shoving it in a parcel and dropping it off? Might as well give it a shot, I’d a shitload of string and no other need for it once I’d shuffled off the mortal coil. Thing is, the bloody mush wouldn’t sit still long enough for me to actually get the job done. I know that sounds like a weird thing to say, about an ostensibly inanimate object to boot, but that’s what it seemed like.

The sense of foreboding and dread…I can’t describe it. Along with the anxiety aroused by my inability to properly package my parting gift, these feelings were getting the better of me. It was a good thing I was already suicidal, otherwise this experience would be driving me totally over the edge. Still, could be worse. It coulda been Monday.

Solidarity (and apologies), brothers & sisters…

Posted in Gibberish | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

On the lookout for an old high

“We got another one.”

Detective Beck sighed. Of course there was another one. There was always another one. This thing was out of control, and all her knucklehead colleagues could think of was the extra overtime.

“On it, Chief.”

Her garrulous commanding officer gave a hearty chuckle and waved a finger in mock chastisement.

“Careful now, Dots! Don’t go in all-guns blazing – remember the last time ya charged in half-cocked; cost the City a friggin’ fortune and almost cost me my ass!”

Dorothy Beck bit her tongue. She remembered that op alright – she’d been the one trying to prevent her trigger-happy responders from shooting the place up. That the attempt was made, albeit in vain, seemed to have been forgotten by all involved. Blame the fuckin’ woman, right boys? She quickly shook the thought out of her head. It wasn’t the first time, and sure as hell wouldn’t be the last, that the dark suspicion arose in her mind; she was the department scapegoat.

“It’s just a Caffeiteria boss. Wired, juiced-up, energetic tweakers so jumpy and paranoid that even a knock on the door could set ‘em off. What could possibly go wrong?”

‘Dots’ braced herself for the inevitable, unoriginal mantra…

“Like I always say; A ‘feind in need is a ‘feind indeed!”

More than a few of the gathering officers groaned at this, to the Chief’s evident chagrin.

“Yeah, yeah… Just get out there and put a stop to all this coffee an’ soda shit – an’ get a fuckin’ sense of humour if there’s time left over, alright? Make the City proud.”

Lock and load. As Beck watched the Divisional rapid response ‘Spearhead’ force pile into their brand new, military-grade APC, she wondered who really benefited from Prohibition: The people, safeguarded from the dangers of Caffeine? The police, with the increase in budget to go after the scourge of speak-easy Caffeiteria? Or the higher-ups, who could compete for popularity based purely on their toughness on the Caff trade?

Sliding into the driver’s seat of her BYD Sun Tzu®, Dorothy sighed. In over a decade since all Caffeine products were banned on the American Continent, what had been achieved? As she pressed the starter button on the dashboard and felt the electric motor whir into life, she couldn’t help wondering…

Maybe people should be allowed to consume whatever they want, even if it means they’re more likely to get Parkinson’s, Type II Diabetes, Hyperglycemia, Ketoneria hepatetic & cardio diseases…? Fuck. Scoffing at her own naivety, Beck decided that she must have been listening to too much of those radical podcasts by that wingnut MC Phil E. Buster. She activated the intercom.

“Let’s get this show on the road, you pricks. Do some good.”

Solidarity, brothers & sisters…

Posted in Neology, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Scratching an Itch

She said she had A Moonest Proposal. I said it made no sense. She said it would after she’d explained it.

Apparently, one of my numerous sexual conquests had let slip that I was fond of, shall we say, ‘frolicking in the crimson lagoon’. Actually, let’s not say that, because it’s gross. Basically, yours truly enjoys fornication during the four or five days when, for most people, said fornication is off the table entirely.

She told me this had intrigued her, as she had always been pretty horny around the same ‘period’ but had found it difficult to persuade various sexual partners over the years to service her desires. Almost immediately, the tropic lightbulb clicked on above her head, and she resolved to contact me with her carnal idea. Carefully extracting my deets from Quite-Enjoyable-But-Disturbingly-Immobile, she subsequently gave me a call and asked me out for a coffee. A coffee with a woman I’ve never met? I’m a promiscuous heterosexual male, who is arrogant about his own attractiveness – OF COURSE I’ll have a drink with you.

********************************************************************

He was kind of up himself, a prick really, but he scratched an itch…and anyway, the fact that he existed meant that there had to be – just HAD to be – others out there who had similar tastes. You have NO IDEA how good it felt to finally be able to have sex on my period…most pop culture makes you feel like a total weirdo for even considering it, the rule that sex is impossible at that time of the month is not so much shoved down your throat as wrapped around your face; it’s all you hear and see on the subject. When it comes to sex, though, when you talk to your friends about it you find that there is no such thing as ‘off-limits’.

So. I felt a buzz after that ‘first time’ of sorts, so I had a nosey about the interwebs. That’s how I found Shlong-Dong McArdcox.

No, really.

Stop laughing.

Well, ok, it is pretty funny… It was an alias, you see. On this special interest site, Honey-Lunars. Honey-Lunars is a place for highly-sexed women to find and ‘interact’ with men – and women – who have a fetish for sex during menstruation. Seriously, there are so many people on here it is kinda hard to believe; Lots of women in long-term relationships who either can’t bring themselves to talk to their partners about it, or those whose partners just find the idea abhorrent, single women who find the whole thing less embarrassing than a one-night stand with someone unwitting or hiring a sex worker who will do that sort of thing for them…and that’s just the women.

Numerous types of men and women – and people describing themselves as other genders, non-binary I guess, though I didn’t look too much into it – hawking their wares, so to speak. Fetishists advertising their availability and personal tastes, all within a safe environment which claimed to be ‘committed to maintaining anonymity’. There was no stated position on – or discussion of – the morality, honesty and/or ethics of the practice; some users had let other halves know, some kept rendezvous secret, some – of course – didn’t even HAVE a partner…there were even a few that were totally up-front about just being in it for research, or for a story, or the sheer novelty of it. Once or twice a confused messager would have to be firmly told that Honey-Lunars was NOT a dating website. It was always kinda hilarious when a butthurt neckbeard or evangelical type would be banned shortly after being corrected that, no, Honey-Lunars does NOT constitute sex work; no money would ever change hands. Not via the website anyway, not that I could see…and who cares anyway? What people do in the privacy of their own (or someone else’s) boudoir is nobody else’s business anyway.

Where was I? Oh yeah…sometimes shagging a total douchebag has it’s upside. Not the best moral of the story, I know, but like…when does real life have much of an inspiring lesson anyway?

♀Solidarity, brothers & sisters…♂

Posted in Gibberish, Neology | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Setting with potential: Ireland 1795-1870

Following up on the spitballing I did for a videogame in the style of Assassin’s Creed set during the Irish Rebellion of 1798, there are a few more details and revisions to make to the general outline. The historical setting offers so much, and I love the idea of playing a game embracing the genres of action adventure, RPG, open world exploration, stealth and combat. Given that the Ubisoft series is – finally – bringing its unique brand of parkour & murder to the French Revolution, it seems timely to look at what my proposed, doubtless never-to-be-realised, game might offer…

The timeline of the story has been expanded; though 1798 will still be the main focus, the various insurrections, rebellions and uprisings in 1803, 1848 and 1867 will also be covered. This will mean at least 2, and possibly 3, people will have to be playable – it is simply impossible that one person could have taken part in all of them. The 3 characters will be tied together by blood -of the womb, rather than of the covenant – rather like the connection between Haytham Kenway and Ratonhnhakéton aka Connor in Assassin’s Creed III. Incidentally, the phrase, “Blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb” will have to be included somewhere in the dialogue!

The pike became symbolic of the 1798 rebellion. This was because they were easy for local blacksmiths to make, and were a necessity as firearms were relatively scarce in Ireland at the time. Such a scenario would be perfect for the sort of hand-to-hand combat that suits the type of game we’re looking at. Apparently, a cropped haircut was also emblematic, as those wearing such a barnet were invariably supporters of the revolutionary cause and were therefore known as ‘Croppies’.

Divisions among the insurrectionists also make for the sort of intrigue which could fit the Assassin/Templar conflict upon which Ubisoft’s series is based: The Defenders wanted wholesale land confiscation and redistribution, while the more bourgeois rebels merely aimed for a government like that of the Directory in France with little in the way of social change. By contrast, the Presbyterians predominantly from east of the river Bann were outright republicans demanding popular representation, free speech, equality and justice for all – the ideals of the French Revolution, in other words. It would be easy to see Templar assistance for the bourgeois leadership and Assassin intervention on the side of the Presbyterians, with both sides struggling for influence over the Defenders.

After reading up on the Defenders, it seems highly unlikely that a Protestant individual like my Methodist protagonist Gabriel Hogan would have made it into their highly sectarian ranks. In addition, after witnessing – and wholeheartedly supporting – the disappointed reaction to Ubisoft’s inability to offer a female avatar in their forthcoming AC: Unity, I am opting for a female main character. I have yet to come up with a firm name or backstory, but she will be a composite character drawn from contemporary accounts whose experiences and actions will fit some of those descriptions. For example, in ‘A Popular History of the Insurrection of 1798′ P.F. Kavanagh describes, “An amazon named Doyle, who marched with the insurgent army and bore herself as gallantly as the most courageous man”.

The player will see through the eyes of Doyle during the tumultuous events between 1795 and 1805, before taking control of her grand-daughter from 1845 to the climax of 1870 – which, presumably, will be the establishment of the Home Government Association by Isaac Butt.  Well…maybe not. It’ll be something suitably dramatic. The Manchester Martyrs were executed in 1867, so something drawn around that might have some resonance.

Anyway. That’s all the stream of consciousness erupting from my bonce has for now, it seems.

Solidarity, brothers & sisters…

Posted in Gaming, Gibberish, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

July 4th: MARCH FOR THE LEFT TO FIGURE ITS SHIT OUT (AND/OR CALM THE FUCK DOWN)

[Originally posted here. Blogged with permission]

We need another day of action!
One more big wave will definitely get it done, even if the last one didn’t!


WE WILL ADDRESS THE FOLLOWING BURNING ISSUES:

  • DID THE INTERNET MAKE THE LEFT WORSE — WAS IT BETTER JUST NOT TO DISCUSS THINGS?

  • THE SAWANT VICTORY: ITS LESSONS, AND HOW TO CONTINUE IGNORING, DOWNPLAYING, AND AVOIDING ACTING ON THEM!

  • HOW DO WE GET PEOPLE TO JOIN OUR GROUP AND NOT ALL THOSE OTHER GROUPS?

  • WHEN IS THE NEXT WORLD LEFT CLIMATE SOCIAL GLOBAL FORUM CONVERGENCE CONFERENCE CONVENTION 2014?

  • WHY ARE WE STILL SO FUCKING SMALL? WASN’T OBAMA/THE RECESSION/OCCUPY/OUR SUPERIOR PROGRAMME & METHOD SUPPOSED TO FIX THAT?
  • WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO EMPHASIZE OUR PETTY DIFFERENCES IN THE NEXT NEWS CYCLE & MOVEMENT FAD PHASE?

  • LET’S FACE IT, WE ALREADY KNOW EVERYTHING, SO WE MIGHT AS WELL STOP THINKING

  • WHAT IS THE NEXT BIG SINGLE ISSUE? (AND HOW THE GROUP DEALING WITH IT IS TOTALLY NOT A FRONT GROUP)

  • WHY THE ONLY MOVEMENTS THAT MATTER ARE ONES THAT FIT A COOKIE-CUTTER FORMULA OF SENDING CONTINGENTS TO NATIONAL, SINGLE-ISSUE DEMONSTRATIONS

  • HOW EVERYTHING ABOUT OUR LIVES IS POLITICAL INHERENTLY, FROM SOCIALIZING TO WORK TO CULTURE, WHICH IS WHY WE ORGANIZE ONLY NARROWLY POLITICAL EVENTS AND NOTHING FUN, SOCIAL, OR OF BENEFIT TO OURSELVES

  • HOW DO WE STOP ALL 20 MEMBERS OF AMERICA’S FASCIST THREAT?

(REVOLUTIONARY DIRECT ACTION UNITED FRONT OBVIOUSLY!)

  • WHY IT’S STILL NOT TIME FOR A MASS PARTY, AND WON’T BE FOR THE NEXT FORESEEABLE 50 YEARS UNTIL AFTER ANTARCTICA MELTS

  • CONSENSUS VOTING: INCLUDING EVERYONE, EXCEPT PEOPLE WHO HAVE LIVES
  • LET’S KEEP ARGUING OVER SYRIA, UKRAINE, AND THE USSR, THAT IS DEFINITELY THE BEST STRATEGY FOR GROWTH
  • THE THREAT OF SOCIALIST UNITY: HOW HAVING FORTY DIFFERENT GROUPS MAKES US A STRONGER FORCE IN NATIONAL POLITICS
  • THE REVOLUTIONARY DUTY TO BURN YOURSELF OUT SO BAD YOU HATE EVERYONE AND BASICALLY CAN’T ORGANIZE
  • WHY DO WE CALL THEM PUBLIC MEETINGS IF ONLY OUR MEMBERS SHOW UP?
  • DIRECT ACTION: HOW A HANDFUL OF PEOPLE BREAKING SHIT WILL TRIGGER MASS REVOLUTION
  • WHY CISHET LABOR-ARISTOCRAT HETERONORMATIVE PRIVILEGED COLONIAL MALE PARASITES MUST BE PUT IN THEIR PLACE

Hope the pictures weren’t too crap.

Solidarity, brothers & sisters…

Posted in Politics, Protest | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Whence do the Blue derive their power?

Pretty much as soon as the War on Terror kicked off, the full spectrum of government agencies responsible for security found themselves reassigned. The FBI, CIA, NSA, ATF… You name it, they were on it. Which kinda left the homegrown threats – the mafiosi, militias, dealers, gangs – a little bit in the wind. That’s an understatement; they were totally free from monitoring and able to do as they pleased.

At first, this had no discernible consequence. You’d be amazed at how law-abiding crims can get if they have the common enemy of some foreigners to unite against…but this can only hold for so long. Eventually, anarchy will be loosed upon the world. In 2015, the dam burst.

The extent of the paralysis in the forces of law & order was shocking, particularly to those of us who had spent our lives within such organisations. One group in NY took hostage over fifty servicemen and women of the police and fire departments – essentially, to ensure a solid bargaining position should any of their number ever end up before a judge. That’s where I came in.

******************************************************************************

The bald guy with black sunglasses permanently affixed to his head seemed to be the Don. His assistant, with black slicked hair, a brown leather jacket and navy shirt underneath, seemed to be his main advisor and confidante. Ostensibly I was there as a member of an LA crew looking for tips and researching this successful business model – as in all matters with the underworld, I’d have to prove myself on some routine job first.

Basically, all I had to do was climb a ladder on a nearby building and whack two guys who, the slick crony said, had been eyeballing their HQ for the past week. I had no problem with this; murder may be against the law, but when you’re an undercover cop you accept that you’re gonna have to kill some crooks to save your own skin.

I get to the top and look in, and what do I find? Two badges – a John Leguizamo-lookalike and a tubby guy with a moustache and receding hairline. I manage to blurt out “NYPD!” and let off a couple shots at the wall behind ‘em, before making eye contact that – I hope – conveys just what the hell is going on to these completely confounded knuckleheads.

Back on terra firma, the shit hits the fan anyways. Things seem to go ok; no casualties, all the baddies down, happy days. We release the guys and girls held captive and get a lot of congratulatory slaps on the back for our troubles. Turns out that they’d been held just underneath the F-Train station at Giuliani Plaza, so we lead ‘em up to where the sun is shining an’ the birds are singing, and everything seems right with the world.

That’s when all hell breaks loose.

Baldy, minus the sunglasses and lookin’ considerably worse for wear, appears outta nowhere and gets off a couple of rounds, winging my partner. I put him down, but suddenly it seems that gunfire has erupted from fuckin’ EVERYWHERE, and people are going down all over the place. The NYPD guys react fairly quickly, getting their FDNY comrades to cover without much delay, but not before bodies are writhing around in agony and the wailing, along with the constant bark of shooting, is making for a hellish cacophony.

When I see who is firing, it takes my breath away. My partner, about twenty paces away taking cover behind some iron railings, gives me a look – he’s spotted ‘em too. Even now it seems so crazy, so unbelievable, that I hesitate to commit it to this affidavit. To have it in writing somehow makes it solid, whereas just in my memory I can justify it as some crazy nightmare, a hallucination, or a trick of the light. But I know what I saw, and I’m not alone.

The snipers opposite the Plaza that day were female officers of the LAPD. I am absolutely, 100% certain of this. There were two, side-by-side, firing from an oblong window on the fourth floor of the Blacktie building. Shots were also raining down from our side, on anyone who attempted to flee the plaza, but since this was coming from behind us and over our heads I have no way of knowing who this was.

So.

I managed – Fuck knows how – to reach the far side of the road separating the snipers from the plaza. There were bulletholes in all the storefronts, but it seemed like there was less fire coming in here. I ducked into a shop or two, and the patrons were in shock (unsurprisingly enough). It shames me now, but at the time I had no notion or interest in confronting the shooters – I was just running for my life.

After a while, the shooting stopped. I know a good number of us got away, because I’d spot them as they fled, eyes wholly consumed with terror. Coming back, making sure to keep myself hidden where possible, I could see more LAPD uniforms – on the streets this time. It was clear to me that they were trying to track down survivors, and I had a pretty good idea of what they would do if they found any.

I got the fuck outta there.

Before flagging a cab, I came across a protest of mainly African-Americans against the what they called the ‘inherent corruption’ of the police. It’s funny; I had always written off these do-gooders as cranks and ne’er-do-wells, but now…

Now I’m not so sure.

Sworn statement of Detective [IDENTITY WITHHELD] of the New York Police Department, 4/21/2016

Solidarity, brothers and sisters…ℵϒ

Posted in Gibberish, Protest | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment