So this is the blogosphere, eh? It’s colder than I imagined. Less pimps n’ ho’s too. It’ll do the job though. That job being to indulge me in venting an assorted mixture of bullshit and tripecrappery. Yum.
In a new series of posts that will be coming you at random intervals in the ensuing days, weeks, months and, higher-power-willing, years, I shall be introducing you to various phrases I have invented or shamelessly pilfered from other, better writers.
First up: Profanity Pudding
Noun. Collection of expletives which, only in concert, can convey the depth of feeling the speaker has for a particular subject or object.
Example: ‘Unsurprisingly increased arseholery abound in our crappy capital’s shitty highstreets as shitfucking nonce-imitator Justin ‘dickfeatures’ Bieber rolled into town, inciting his travelling freakshow of desperate zombie douchebags to even greater headmelting acts of screeching, screaming, howling and other ear-rapery in what can only be termed a cuntathon.’
Try using the above sentence sans swearwords and you will quickly see that the emotion of the piece dips dramatically. The Profanity Pudding is therefore a highly necessary linguistic technique which can creatively describe how strongly one feels about a certain situation without the hassle or discomfort of literally explaining your emotions. Being sincere about your emotions? Nobody wants to hear that cockgobbling shit, fuckface.
It is important to note that you can ‘over-egg’ the Profanity Pudding by using excessively complex cursing or becoming so bogged down in the joys of the profane that you forget the actual point you were trying to make. However, it is a thin line between the gloriously obscene and the shagtastical unnecessarily fuck-filled gibberish shitbox so… where was I… Oh yeah. See? Can even happen to the master.
Have fun baking your Profanity Pudding, kids!
Next time on the Neologistic Brainsplurge: Cockmuncher’s Salad
‘Til then, Solidarity Brothers & Sisters