An action-packed, fuck-filled, error-strewn, giggle-driven year has passed since I last dipped a verruca-ed toe into the frozen swimming pool of verbiage that is the Neologistic Brainsplurge. Fifteen months to the day, to be more exact. After this extended absence, it is time to amuse, amaze and annoy to a truly alarming degree. Let’s get this fucking show on the road, motherfuckers!
Adjective. Involving a tendency towards the wasting of opportunities or advantages. Extremely wasteful. Having a persistent characteristic of losing from a winning position. Showing a capacity for snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.
Example: ‘Once more Arsenal displayed a truly squanderful attitude, managing to turn a 4-0 half-time lead into a 4-4 draw with the kind of devoted self-distruction one could only stand back and marvel at. All the plaudits must be reserved for them, as being as squanderful as this requires enthusiasm, hard work, and hardcore fuck-uppery.’
‘With breathtaking vim and vigour, Shels turned in a performance that can only be described as squanderful. To be a goal up, with a man advantage, heading into the final few minutes, only to end up throwing points away with the sort of steely-eyed determination normally reserved for, ya know, winners, is extraordinary. Nay, it is more than extraordinary; it is squanderful.’
It is important to point out that the mere wasting of positive positions, in and of itself, is not enough to earn the derogatory title of ‘bottlers’. It is the consistency of such behaviour that is key; an individual or team who usually manages to triumph when placed in an advantageous position but fails on the odd occasion cannot be described as squanderful.
However, if there is a persistent and inexplicable penchant for fucking up royally when it seems that victory is certain, this is a situation that can only be defined as squanderful. Squanderful in the extreme.
Incidentally, ya know who else is squanderful? The Left. Endlessly. That’ll have to wait for another time though…
Try to avoid being squanderful, y’all!
Solidarity, brothers & sisters…☭