Scat Men

“There’s no time, JUST SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!”
Dave’s expression at that moment was just priceless. Both myself and Simon cracked up immediately, as he stared in frozen consternation at the pizza slice he held before him. Perfectly, a pizza slice with little rounded nuggets of beef that resembled…well, you can imagine. His face slowly cracked into a smile, and with an almost rueful shake of his head he commenced devouring.

A couple of late arrivals had just shown up, their ringing of the doorbell setting off alarm bells with us as well; we’d ordered Godfather’s for ourselves, and we were tucking into it with enthusiastic glee, but the lot of us knew that the lads outside would want some if they found us with any left. The slice in Dave’s hand was the last remaining morsel, and instantly Simon and I had the same thought – destroy the evidence!

Why on earth we both thought the best option was not for Dave to simply cram the food into his mouth post haste, but rather to jam it up his posterior, I cannot explain. What crossed wires in our brains, what incredible defects in our genetics, what broken experiences in our development had caused us to reach for the rectal when presented with the problem of hiding something? Baffling. Wonderfully, hilariously, surreally baffling.

The fact that we launched into the same exclamation simultaneously is also cause for some bemusement. Not only had we had the identical thought process, we decided to air our idea at the exact same moment as one another – what are the odds of this? There’s got to be some sort of telepathic communication going on there, some type of psychic link between us. The alternative is that we simply had the same warped sense of humour, the same faecal funny coming to mind being just one of the many instances of our shared comedic interests. That’s probably more likely, but I prefer the idea of the former.

In any case, it was really, truly, completely fucking hysterical. One of the most amusing moments in our communal friendship.

Good times.

Solidarity, brothers & sisters…★

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About Seba Roux

Gooner, Socialist, Historian, Slacker. That's pretty much all you need to know.
This entry was posted in Autobiographical and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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