Unsettling Greetings when performing Telephone Technical Support

  1. How may I baffle you today?
  2. Who? What? Where? Why?!
  3. WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION?
  4. Would. You like. To play. A game?
  5. I’ll be honest, it’s extremely unlikely I’ll be anywhere near competent enough to solve your problem.
  6. Just what do you think you are doing…Dave?
  7. Who the HELL do you think you are?!
  8. There’s just one question ya gotta ask yourself; do I feel lucky? Well, do ya?
  9. You have dialled a bad number. Please hold while we direct you to a man who will laugh at your unbelievable stupidity.
  10. It’s a TRAP!
  11. Look, whatever it is, I just couldn’t give a flying fuck. Now…what’s the problem?
  12. The solution you need is IN the computer. Have you a hammer handy?
  13. Not gonna lie, you’ll have to bribe me if you want this sorted any time soon…and I don’t come cheap.
  14. Your issue is HILARIOUS. I’m putting this on speaker and pressing ‘record for training purposes’…
  15. You obviously just have shit computers.
  16. Have you tried turning the computer off, backing slowly away, and never returning?
  17. Please hold while I pick my nose for a few minutes before responding.
  18. I’ve come from the future…and it doesn’t look good for your issue.
  19. It’s a glitch in the matrix. In fact, I have a vague sense you called about this before…
  20. No. Fuck off.

    “What the fuck?!”

Solidarity, brothers & sisters…✆ 

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About Seba Roux

Gooner, Socialist, Historian, Slacker. That's pretty much all you need to know.
This entry was posted in Gibberish and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Unsettling Greetings when performing Telephone Technical Support

  1. ipantsless says:

    This is why I don’t use phones.

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