Scratching an Itch

She said she had A Moonest Proposal. I said it made no sense. She said it would after she’d explained it.

Apparently, one of my numerous sexual conquests had let slip that I was fond of, shall we say, ‘frolicking in the crimson lagoon’. Actually, let’s not say that, because it’s gross. Basically, yours truly enjoys fornication during the four or five days when, for most people, said fornication is off the table entirely.

She told me this had intrigued her, as she had always been pretty horny around the same ‘period’ but had found it difficult to persuade various sexual partners over the years to service her desires. Almost immediately, the tropic lightbulb clicked on above her head, and she resolved to contact me with her carnal idea. Carefully extracting my deets from Quite-Enjoyable-But-Disturbingly-Immobile, she subsequently gave me a call and asked me out for a coffee. A coffee with a woman I’ve never met? I’m a promiscuous heterosexual male, who is arrogant about his own attractiveness – OF COURSE I’ll have a drink with you.

********************************************************************

He was kind of up himself, a prick really, but he scratched an itch…and anyway, the fact that he existed meant that there had to be – just HAD to be – others out there who had similar tastes. You have NO IDEA how good it felt to finally be able to have sex on my period…most pop culture makes you feel like a total weirdo for even considering it, the rule that sex is impossible at that time of the month is not so much shoved down your throat as wrapped around your face; it’s all you hear and see on the subject. When it comes to sex, though, when you talk to your friends about it you find that there is no such thing as ‘off-limits’.

So. I felt a buzz after that ‘first time’ of sorts, so I had a nosey about the interwebs. That’s how I found Shlong-Dong McArdcox.

No, really.

Stop laughing.

Well, ok, it is pretty funny… It was an alias, you see. On this special interest site, Honey-Lunars. Honey-Lunars is a place for highly-sexed women to find and ‘interact’ with men – and women – who have a fetish for sex during menstruation. Seriously, there are so many people on here it is kinda hard to believe; Lots of women in long-term relationships who either can’t bring themselves to talk to their partners about it, or those whose partners just find the idea abhorrent, single women who find the whole thing less embarrassing than a one-night stand with someone unwitting or hiring a sex worker who will do that sort of thing for them…and that’s just the women.

Numerous types of men and women – and people describing themselves as other genders, non-binary I guess, though I didn’t look too much into it – hawking their wares, so to speak. Fetishists advertising their availability and personal tastes, all within a safe environment which claimed to be ‘committed to maintaining anonymity’. There was no stated position on – or discussion of – the morality, honesty and/or ethics of the practice; some users had let other halves know, some kept rendezvous secret, some – of course – didn’t even HAVE a partner…there were even a few that were totally up-front about just being in it for research, or for a story, or the sheer novelty of it. Once or twice a confused messager would have to be firmly told that Honey-Lunars was NOT a dating website. It was always kinda hilarious when a butthurt neckbeard or evangelical type would be banned shortly after being corrected that, no, Honey-Lunars does NOT constitute sex work; no money would ever change hands. Not via the website anyway, not that I could see…and who cares anyway? What people do in the privacy of their own (or someone else’s) boudoir is nobody else’s business anyway.

Where was I? Oh yeah…sometimes shagging a total douchebag has it’s upside. Not the best moral of the story, I know, but like…when does real life have much of an inspiring lesson anyway?

♀Solidarity, brothers & sisters…♂

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About Seba Roux

Gooner, Socialist, Historian, Slacker. That's pretty much all you need to know.
This entry was posted in Neology, Short Stories and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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