There’s no V in team

“How can I be any less suitable for this position now than I was a week ago?”

The manager looked sheepish, avoiding her glare – yet the grounds for her dismissal were pretty watertight. Granted, she was a fine worker. There was absolutely no question of her qualifications and expertise. Indeed, in the brief time she had been with the company, it was already apparent that she inspired those around her to greater efforts. It was rather the…ah…disciplinary infractions which could not be overlooked.

He inspected his fingernails intently as he forced out the answer;
“We…appreciate your…erm…unique approach to workplace…ah…creativity… It is purely a matter of…well…it seems that some members of the team – members I cannot name, of course, you understand – members…only some members, a few are rather impressed by your..ahm…dedication…but some members-”

“Could you please stop saying ‘members’ and tell me why the hell you’re firing me after signing a contract barely a week ago?”

Lifting his gaze from his digits, he strained to wear a conciliatory expression.
“You see…some of the team feel that your…er…self-love is somewhat…unprofessional.”

The office manager let out a little sigh of relief – he had managed to say the words.

Taken aback, she stared at him, her expression of indignation giving way to one of pure bemusement. “Did…did you just say ‘self-love’?”

He now began coughing with embarrassment, and decided to make intimate eye-contact with the portrait of his wife on the far wall.
“Ahem…Yes. Those are…those are the sorts of complaints we have been getting.”

Blinking a few times, if was all she could do to stop herself from erupting in laughter right there and then. She felt like pinching herself – it had to be a dream – but her superior was clearly srious.
“You’re not serious…”

The manager took a deep breath, pressed a few keys on his PC, and swivelled the monitor around so that she could have a good view of the damning CCTV footage.


“We might design, make and distribute vibrators here, miss, but that does not give you licence to…service yourself at work. Good day.”

The guilty party started spluttering in an attempt to clear her besmirched name.


Solidarity, brothers & sisters…


About Seba Roux

Gooner, Socialist, Historian, Slacker. That's pretty much all you need to know.
This entry was posted in Short Stories and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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