…as devised by a sufferer of Generalised Anxiety Disorder.
1.Panic: Begin internally, by chewing the inside of your mouth. The sustenance will give you the energy required to proceed through the ensuing steps.
2.Curl up into a ball: This is nature’s safety mechanism. You present a smaller target when you become a huddled mass yearning to breathe free.
3.Whimper: Moan, cry, shriek, howl, scream, groan… All are good options. What you want to do here is really externalise your fear.
4.Build a hovel: Once created, this will be perfect to burrow into and hide from the terrifying outside world. Sheets, clothes, towels, carpets… Insulation.
5.Curse Higher Powers: Be creative with your damnations. Desperately blaming your impotence on the actions of Gods unseen is absolutely vital for survival.
6.Craft Weaponry: The combination of a lighter with a can of deodorant results in a handy improvised flamethrower. This will scare/amuse predators and help cook what little food you have.
7.Read: You’re going to be in your hovel a while. Bring a good book, or at least some scraps of newspaper clippings.
8.Hunt: Bait can be arranged out of all sorts of bodily excretions. Snot, nails, skin flakes…even dandruff in a pinch. You probably won’t catch anything (apart from scabies) but it’ll give you something to do and keep morale up.
9.Curse Deities Again: This time for the failure of your shit bait.
10.Expire: You can pass away safe in the knowledge that you did everything you could.
Solidarity, brothers & sisters…☤