In Junior and Senior infants, we weren’t allowed to bring drinks out to the yard during break time. Why? I had no idea. Still don’t. Possibly something to do with litter. Judging from the emphasis in Primary School, litter was the #1 issue affecting the Republic of Ireland between 1990 and 1995…closely followed by starving Somalis.
Anyway, one day I completely forgot this rule and carried a juice carton out with me into the schoolyard. Upon realising my mistake, I immediately dumped the offending item into the bin nearest the door…but the damage was done. A group of elder students – who seemed impossibly grown up at the time despite the fact that they were in 2nd class at most – had witnessed my crime. Swiftly descending upon me, they threatened to inform the authorities and make me rue my foolishness.
Fortunately, this was at the height of my popularity – something I only appreciated once I had absolutely no friends in Secondary School – and I could call upon the tallest lad in our class to back me up. Michael was his name, and it didn’t take too much persuading for him to fight my corner. After a bit of verbal sparring between Michael and the zealous rule-enforcers, everything was amicably settled.
For the rest of the break, the older students informed me of all the school practices that had to be followed without question. Sitting next to the wall at the far side of the yard, I nodded sagely as they imparted their dubious wisdom e.g. that it was forbidden to use toilet paper in the bathrooms, and that one must lick one’s hands after wiping one’s…bits.
You’ll be delighted to know that I never acceded to these supposed regulations.
Solidarity, brothers & sisters…
Only Came to See Eboue 